Wednesday, January 30, 2008

happy b-day hunny

A couple have not been getting along for years, so the husband thinks,"I'll buy my wife a cemetery plot for her birthday."Well, you can imagine her disappointment.The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this time he doesn't get her anything. She says, "Why didn't you get me a birthday present!?"He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last year!"


Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Norwegian took a trip to Fargo, North Dakota. While in a bar, an Indian on the next stool spoke to the Norwegian in a friendly manner.

"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"

"Ja, dat sounds purty good," said the Norwegian.

The Indian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"

The Norwegian scratched his head and finally said, "I give up. Who vas it?"

"It was ME," chortled the Indian.

So the Norwegian paid for the drinks.

Back in Sioux Falls the Norwegian went into the bar and spotted one of his cronies.

"Sven," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me vun. Fair enough?"

"Fair enough," said Sven.

"Ok," the Norwegian said, "my father and mudder had vun child. It vasn't my brudder. It vasn't my sister. Who vas it?"

"Search me," said Sven. "I give up, who vas it?"

The Norwegian burst out, "It vas some Indian up in Fargo, North Dakota!"


Saturday, January 26, 2008

drinking & driving

I was driving home from the bar the other day and was pulled over by the police, the cop walked up to my car and asked me if i had been drinking ? I said why is there a fat ugly girl in the back seat.


blonde drivers

a blonde lady is driving to chicago, she see's a sign that say's chicago left, so she turned around and went home.


Sunday, January 20, 2008


As I was mowing my lawn I noticed my neighbor cheek her mailbox about 5 minutes later she comes out again and cheeks her mail and then 5 minutes latter she comes out and cheeks it again so I asked her if she was expecting mail she replies no but my computer keeps telling me that I've got mail.


Once upon A cowboy

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunatly, the saloon’s regulars had a habit of picking on strangers. When the cowboy finished his drink he went out to his horse. Not to his suprise his horse wasnt there. He went back in, handily flipped his gun in the air, caught it, and shouted loudly, "All right, I’m gonna get another drink, and by the time I go back out, I want my horse to be there or I’m gonna be forced to do what I did in Texas!" The cowboy, true to his word, had a beer and walked outside to find that his horse was there. The bartender walked out with him and said tenativley, "Say, partner. Before you go, can I ask what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned and said, "I had to walk home."


A true story

My cosine and I took a tape recorder and left the first 30 seconds blank for as long as I could, I made A long farting noise with my mouth as soon as I finished my cosine started making his farting sound so it sounded like one long fart. My parents were sleeping and we put the recorder under there bed and pressed play, witch gave us thirty seconds to sneak back out. As we listened from the hallway after so long my mom called out in disgust GOERGE!!!!.


Saturday, January 19, 2008

The big five-O

A wife was thinking about what to buy her husband after 25 years of marriage for his birthday,after all he had everything. So she decided to get a tattoo of BRIDGIT BARDO tattooed on her butt cheeks. A b on each check. So after a great dinner a couple of drinks, he went upstairs to find his wife waiting for him, she said she had a special gift for him, so she took her pants down and bent over and showed him the tattoo, with anger he said WHO THE HELL IS BOB.



So this elderly couple is sitting in church and the wife whispers to the husband "Hun I just left an awful silent fart what should I do?" And the husband replies "Well the first thing you should do is check the battery in your hearing aid"


Thursday, January 17, 2008

Mickael jackson

Why does Mickael Jackson like twenty seven year old's?

There's twenty of them....


blond and dumb

She is blond and she is dumb.

"Boemerang": Erik Hartman laughs at his guests. Subtitled.

This guy can´t stop laughing at his guest´s voice. To make things worse, there are two strange voices in his talk show.
That laughter cost him his career, and he will remember for ever this "blooper".

Jeff Dunham - Achmed the Dead Terrorist

Jeff Dunham comedy clip (Achmed the dead terrorist)


Whats the difference between A light sleeper and A hard sleeper?
A light sleeper sleeps with the light on..........



a girl goes to a doctor for a check up just after having sex for the first time and asked her doctor what was that hanging from between his legs? the doctor replied that is his penis. then the girl asked what was that knob at the top of his penis? the doctor replied that is the head of the penis. then the girl asked what was those two things hanging 12'' to 14'' below ? the doctor answered, i don't know about your boy friend, but for me it's my butt cheeks.